Raising Your Daughter Self-Confident

By Joshua G. Shanmugham

I met Shiney in one of my teaching and counseling sessions. She was a sharp and brave girl. She could sing well. She was good in her studies. She had a very fine mind. But she had a problem in accepting herself. She lacked confidence. She didn’t believe that God has a good plan for her life. I tried to encourage her. I told her God has a wonderful plan for her life. He has gifted her with a beautiful voice to sing. She is precious in God’s sight. God loves her.

God has demonstrated his love for her by giving his only Son Jesus to die for her on the cross, so that she could know him and experience His love for her and know his plan for her life. She can live with self-confidence. She can face any challenges in her life. She is not alone. Jesus is with her now.

Shiney comes from a broken home. Her parents always compared her with her brother. They didn’t spend enough time with her. They thought it was not worth giving her higher education. She was a girl, after all. What can she accomplish in life? So, Shiney grew up feeling insecure and lack of confidence in herself. She believed she was waste, and she was a failure.

Dear Parents, you do not want your daughters to find themselves one day in Shiney’s place. This is not the place where God wants your daughters to be. He has a great plan for your daughter. He designed your daughter to be your daughter just the way she is. God is pleased with her. It is the responsibility of the parents to communicate this truth to their daughters. But many parents fail in this responsibility. They go with the flow of the society at the expense of loosing their daughter.

What can you do as parents to raise your daughter self-confident? Well, I want to give you few suggestions based on the Biblical Principles. Let me start with God’s creation of human being and His purpose for creation.

The Bible says God created the human being in his likeness and in his image. What does being created in the image of God mean? Well, it means lot of things. But I want to point out three principles and show you how you can apply these principles in your parenting, particularly in raising your daughters self-confident.

God’s image is the foundation for your daughter’s self-confidence

Being made in the image of God is the basis for our self-confidence. God made man and women in His image and in his likeness (Gen. 1:26-27). Knowing that we are made in God’s image and thus share many of His characteristics provides a firm basis for our self-worth and confidence. Our worth and confidence is not based on possessions, performance, achievements, physical attractiveness, or people’s approval. We can feel positive about ourselves because we bear God’s image. Criticizing or downgrading ourselves is criticizing what God has made and the abilities He has given us. Knowing that you are a person of worth helps you love God, know Him personally, and make a valuable contribution to those around you.

You can apply this truth in raising your daughter self-confident. You as a parent teach and implant this truth in her from her infancy and treat her that way. She would grow up a self-confident person. She would learn that her performance and accomplishments play only a secondary role in her life. It is God’s image in her which plays a primary role in developing her self-confidence. This adds value to her true self. This realization brings the best out of her life.

How do you apply this principle? You affirm her and love her for who she is. When she makes a mistake you can come alongside and encourage her that she can do better next time.

Your words can add life to her or draw her life out of her. The Bible says, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” (Pro.18:21 NIV). Do not compare her with her brother’s ability. This is what I have observed in many families. They encourage boys but they don’t encourage girls. Your daughter needs your words of encouragement and affirmation. This will lift her spirit. This will lift her confidence up. She will be able to face any challenges in her life. God desires you as a parent to provide for your daughter secure and dedicated caring environment. In a society where female children are not preferred, God wants you to build up your daughter’s self-confidence. Remember your daughter’s self-confidence springs from the realization that she’s made in the image of God.

God’s Purpose sustains your daughter’s self-confidence

In the midst of all the adversities of life what keeps us going is God’s purpose for our lives. It gives us hope. Our life has meaning. Our birth has meaning. God created man and woman in His image and in His likeness. God has a purpose in creating your daughter. Our society or our community may not see this. They do not know the living God. They may not know or understand that God has a purpose for our lives. This is the reason why girls are not welcomed in many families. They are not given a proper place in the society like men have.

Female infanticide is very much prevalent in our societies. It is the intentional killing of baby girls due to the preference for male babies. “When demographic statistics were collected in the 19th century, it was discovered that in “some villages, no girl babies were found at all; in a total of thirty others, there were 343 boys to 54 girls¹… This is a shocking situation. This situation is because of the low value given to the women in our society. But the Bible says God has created us with a specific purpose. God has a purpose for every child that is born in this world whether it is a girl or a boy. Yes, God has created your daughter with a specific purpose. God needs your daughter to fulfill that purpose for her life. That purpose gives her value. That purpose sustains her confidence. Her life becomes meaningful and a blessing to others. The Bible says before your daughter was born God knew her intimately. He formed her for a specific purpose (Jer.1:5). I believe it is a responsibility of the parents to instill this sense of God’s purpose in their daughter’s life. Then, your daughter will grow up self-confident knowing that she is here for a specific purpose, God’s purpose.

God’s Gift empowers your daughter’s self-confidence

God had gifted Shiney with a fine mind to study and a voice to sing and many other gifts.

But she couldn’t realize all these due to her painful family background. But when she realized, she felt very confident for the first time in her life. The Bible says God has given gift to every one of us. “Each person is given something to do that shows who God is:

Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people!”² This means that your daughter too has been given a certain gift to fulfill God’s purposes. God empowers your daughter with this gift, so that she is confident enough to fulfill God’s purpose for her life.

Now the challenge is with you to raise your daughter self-confident. The bible is very clear about God’s heart for your daughter. God desires your daughter to walk straight with her head up not with pride but with confidence that she is created in the likeness of God; that her life has a meaning and purpose; that God has empowered her with His gifts. Your daughter would say every day; with God on my side I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing.³

¹ Source: http://www.gendercide.org/gendercide watch female infanticide.htm. ² 1Cor.12:7 Message Translation. ³ Psalm 27:1 Paraphrased from the Message Translation .